Waterbottling

Last week, I was coworking with the Greenpeace online action team. One of them accused me of being a hippie because of my Nalgene water bottle. I've had this bottle for a few years, and helps keep me hydrated without impacting the environment.

Greenpeace doesn't support Nalgene because, the plastic that its made from leaches into the water, and slowly kills you. So they suggested a Sigg brand, metal container.

Yesterday I went to buy one at the Manhattan equivalent to REI.

"I want a Sigg brand water bottle."
"Oh, you're jumping on the bandwagon since the New York Times article."



He acted like a pretentious record store employee.

"Oh, you really want that Arcade Fire CD, like everybody else?"

Look, I'm not trying to be hip, I just don't want to be poisoned. Or at least I'd prefer to feel the benefits of poisoning myself. Plastic flavored water provides a much different sensation than gallons of booze.

The Manhattan REI equivalent was sold out, so I went to the Wal-Mart of health food. The Whole Foods on Houston had plenty in stock. I am now an owner of a Sigg. Hopefully scientists won't discover its toxicity for a long time, because I want to feel my 21$ was not a waste.

Hypertension is not a joke.

I went to the doctor to see if my blood pressure was too high. I thought I might be suffering from hypertension.

I told the doctor I'd been eating expensive cheeses, drinking vintage wines, and reading McSweeneys.

It turned out I suffered from PRETENSION.