Heller's Corner

Things banned in China

2008-07-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

I noticed that China, has just banned a lot of random things in anticipation of the Olympics.

Tibetan flags, Foreign entertainers, Blacks and Mongolians, and Big Dogs (I think the T-shirts are still okay)

God, I wish I was a comedian in London...

2008-07-17T10:43:00.001-07:00

because I would make a jokes about knife-crime, and how the likely-hood of you getting stabbed to death, increases based on how tangentially famous you are.

harry potter costar - stabbed

sibling of soap star - stabbed

I thought there was a third... so its a good call that I'm not in London.

Movie in the pool.

2008-07-09T09:37:00.001-07:00

I saw Wet Hot American Summer in McCarren pool last night. They do an outdoor film series for hipster Williamsburg during the summer. It's such a great venue, and there were thousands of people in the audience. More people probably watched the movie last night, than saw it in theaters.

The people in front of us left 3/4 of the way through the movie. Within seconds four people swooped up on the space, blocking our view.

Now that's what I call gentrification.

Mike Moss Fashion tips: Doggies and Styles

2008-07-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

Mike Moss fashion tips: Doggies and Styles. from JoshuaHeller on Vimeo.

Brand new Mike Moss fashion tips!

fashiontips.tumblr.com

Dipity

2008-07-06T20:14:00.003-07:00

My dad showed me this cool thing. It's like a visual archive of my internet presence.

My Dipity.

Bostoned

2008-07-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

So I went to Boston for my three day weekend, which of course didn't occur the same days as your three day weekend, because I have a great job, with terrible hours.

Boston was fun. I even expanded my statelyness by going to the beach in New Hampshire. The highlight was certainly picking up, fireworks:

Live for Free or Die means blowing up effigies of terrorists.

We picked up some other fireworks:

Sparkling from JoshuaHeller on Vimeo.

Thanks New England, good times.

Boston

2008-07-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

So for the first time since I can remember, I've stayed in a single location for more than two months. I've been in New York since April. I could count the ten weeks from when I moved here, but I went to the Ikea in New Jersey a few of days after I got here, so I'll count it from then.

I, a former constantly mobile gentleman, am breaking this mono-municipal-staying-streak by going to Boston, for a few days.

The vacation approaches.

Yipee.

Current.com: Brooklyn

2008-06-29T23:20:00.000-07:00

New room.

2008-06-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

I got a new room. Its across the hall from my old room, but this one is great because it has a window. This is the first time since college that I've fallen in love with Natural light (shitty beer pun.)

But the thing that makes my room so cool, is I put a desk in the middle, so its kind of like a board room. Especially because my new roommate also works at Current, and he set up his room to look like a snazzy office.

This is the new conference room of Current.com, Brooklyn.

New bedroom/boardroom. from JoshuaHeller on Vimeo.

Interactive musical performance.

2008-06-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

Interactive musical performance. from JoshuaHeller on Vimeo.

My friend Nealeigh told me what to write songs about, over the internoots.

Fudgecicles, etc.

Mike Moss fashion tips: The Blog.

2008-06-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

Surely you are into fashion advice from Mike Moss.

Follow the tumblr...

FashionTips.Tumblr.com

Amstersam.

2008-06-26T20:35:00.001-07:00

Five years ago I studied abroad in Spain. Occasionally we would travel around Europe. We went to Amsterdam, like all young, stupid, Americans. We smoke pot, ate waffles, and partied. It was an experience that nobody could forget... except Sam.

Sam is the only person from that trip, who I see regularly. I hang out with him a few times a week in Brooklyn. Recently we talked about the trip. His version has all the same parts as mine. The compulsory McFlurry run, the being-all-high-and-shit at Anne Frank's house, the staying at a swanky hotel. But Sam's memories don't include me, at all.

So I have recovered archival footage of the event to prove once and for all that Sam is a motherfucking asshole, who should keep me in his thoughts.

Um remember dude, we were the only white people, who went on that trip.

Mugabe and Farley

2008-06-25T07:13:00.000-07:00

So I've been following this Zimbabwe story for months. It has seemed like the elections have been a fraud from the beginning. Initially, Mugabe was accused of recruiting dead voters to rig the election.

Which, is an idea that he definitely stole from the third act of (SPOILER ALERT) Chris Farley's Black Sheep.

Excursion #2

2008-06-24T18:17:00.000-07:00

Mike Moss Fashion Tips: Excursion #2 from JoshuaHeller on Vimeo.

2008-06-23T12:53:00.001-07:00

"Get on the plane, get off the plane, fuck you I'm getting in the plane, there's less wind in here."

-RIP George Carlin

Chicktionaries

2008-06-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

My friend was asking me if I had a Chicktionary. I could tell that he meant a black book, that included the phone numbers of girls who'd be interested in casual sexual encounters with me.

But I think calling it a chicktionary is thoroughly inaccurate. A dicitonary doesn't store phone numbers or information, it defines things. If anything a chicktionary would be a book that describes different types of girls.

Now, a Chola-dex on the other hand...

Standup Spectacular.

2008-06-12T08:09:00.001-07:00

Josh Heller does stand up at Comix from JoshuaHeller on Vimeo.

Standup Premiere

2008-06-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

I'll be telling jokes for the first time at Faux Show, tomorrow night downstairs at Comix - Ochi's Lounge.

Date:	Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Time:	7:00pm - 9:00pm
Location:	Comix
Street:	353 West 14th Street (at 9th Ave)
City/Town:	New York, NY

Blogging opportunities.

2008-06-05T12:54:00.001-07:00

Does anybody want to start a Goosip blog with me?

We will cover the latest info on R.L. Stine.

I'm serious.

TRUE: As a youth, he exclusively read "Garfield".

Staten Island

2008-06-04T06:57:00.001-07:00

Live from Staten Island from JoshuaHeller on Vimeo.

I went to Staten Island, ate an ice cream sandwich, and then I left.

BREAKING CELEBRITY NEWS!

2008-06-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to a film screening at an exclusive club. You have to know two members to get in. After the show, we went to the rooftop bar. I couldn't afford the thirteen dollar beers so, I was going to take the elevator down. The doors were starting to close, the person inside didn't hold them.

Richard Branson, does not hold elevators, because he is that rich.

Thanks for the Add, Virtual Brunch Live

2008-05-29T21:55:00.000-07:00

Virtual Brunch live at Comix NYC from JoshuaHeller on Vimeo.

myspace.com/thanksfortheaddtheband

Thanks for the Add, LIVE IN NYC

2008-05-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

We are making our debut performance at Faux Show.

Come for the comedy, stay for Thanks For The Add, the band.

Ochi’s Lounge @ Comix
353 W 14th Street
New York , NY
Cost: free

REPOST THIS DUDES

We are always trying to play shows... especially if you can get us booked on top of a roof.

RE: "Fuck" and my mother.

2008-05-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

About a year ago, I made a video about saying the F-word in front of my M-word (mom).

Someone left me a good comment.

First liguistic joke of 2008

2008-05-22T01:13:00.000-07:00

'Pretentious' is a word that describes itself in the way that it is spelled. I thought that the noun would be spelled 'Pretention' but it's actually spelled 'Pretension'.

"Oh, you've really never heard of the avant-garde spelling system that we use?"

-P-r-e-t-e-n-s-i-o-n